About three weeks ago I got a good kick in the pants that made me face the reality of the toll my chaotic life has taken on my physical well-being. I wrote a post titled “I am Obese” . I’m pretty sure that there were people who assumed that I was just trying to be dramatic in my use of the word ‘obese” but for me it was about facing the facts and getting real. My BMI falls well into the obese category right now.
I have taken steps to lower my body fat and reclaim my health and my self-esteem (I hate that word). I started keeping track of calories in and calories burned, stopped drinking alcohol, and I’ve hit the gym as hard as I possibly can. I joined the UFC Gym in Torrance and enlisted the help of a trainer who has become my best and worst friend. I could write a hundred blog posts about how hard and humiliating some of these workouts have been. Every workout in the beginning seemed to magnify how terribly far my fitness level has fallen in the past year and a half. I tried to give up in the middle of my very first DUT class at UFC but the people in the class would not let me, I was part of the team and the old fat chick holding them back wasn’t going to be left behind. I cried that day out of humiliation (again, for letting myself get to this place) but the fattest tears came from an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards the 4 burly men and 1 woman who did not let me give up on myself.
The eating thing is pretty simple because “calories in” is a very measurable thing. Where it gets hard is fighting myself when I want to not record something I’m eating or drinking. It’s very easy to fool ourselves if we want to and trust me I want to! I’m keeping myself honest and in the process I’m purposely choosing not to see my daily caloric intake go into the red. (I’m using Loseit.com)
In the last three weeks I have lost a total of 8lbs on the scale. My skin is healthier, my outlook is more positive and I’ve begun working through some of the personal stuff that has been weighing me down.
Even although the light at the end of the tunnel feels like it is a million miles away, I plan to work my ass off, literally, and I will never allow myself to slip back into this hole!