On November 7th – almost exactly 4 months ago I wrote this, “I am Obese”.
Over the past four months I’ve lost a lot of weight and inches. I should correct that. Over the past four months I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight but over the past six weeks I have lost and not gained weight. What clicked? I’m not entirely sure but I can tell you that I’m definitely in a much better place emotionally than I have been in a very, very long time.
So what are the numbers?
Body Fat: 41%
Body Fat: 27%
I’ve lost 18 pounds and a lot of inches! My BMI is 2 points away from being “normal”. That means I still need to lose about 11 pounds but honestly, I doubt anyone would ever call MOI normal!
This is what I looked like this summer at my heaviest EVER….
And this is me a few weeks in – I had lost about 5 or 6 pounds by this time but I hadn’t given up my wine and the weekend noshing killed all of my crazy exercise. The truth is, I was still fat headed and EXERCISE was the saving grace for me on this whole journey:
And this is me right before the holidays – down about 10 pounds and on a roll…. until the holiday week fun threw me off track
This is me in February: Down about 12 pounds (I know it’s been a long SLOW processes!)
And this is me today – down 18 pounds and along with the intense workouts at UFC (the only thing that has kept me from completely falling off the health wagon all along) I have been eating clean and cut out all alcohol for almost three weeks. For the first time in several years I feel totally in control of everything. My life, my eating, my emotions, my fat headedness …. I feel very strong today.
Four months of going back and forth between getting real and trying to crawl back into my hole was exhausting. At the end of the day it isn’t all about the food and since I’ve always been an exercise nut no matter how fat I’ve been, it isn’t the exercise. It is my fat head… the junk in my head. It’s still there but I plan to keep kicking the shit out of it because it pisses me off and isn’t who I want to be.
I truly understand and appreciate the power my mental health has over my well-being and my body and it feels like I’ve come out from under a cloud. I don’t want to go back there – it’s dark and lonely and depressing. It’s not me.
I am so much more than that.