I’m terribly inconsistent with updates but I’ve lost more weight y’all! Check it out, this is me after 5 months of regular ass-kickings at UFC Gym….
I’ve only lost 23lbs but I’ve lost lots of inches and I’ve packed on quite a bit of muscle and I feel pretty incredible. Remember this Blonde? She don’t live here no more!!
On November 7th – almost exactly 4 months ago I wrote this, “I am Obese”.
Over the past four months I’ve lost a lot of weight and inches. I should correct that. Over the past four months I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight but over the past six weeks I have lost and not gained weight. What clicked? I’m not entirely sure but I can tell you that I’m definitely in a much better place emotionally than I have been in a very, very long time.
So what are the numbers?
| 11/7/12Weight: 152 Body Fat: 41% Neck: 13 |
3/9/13Weight: 134 Body Fat: 27% Neck: 12.5 |
I’ve lost 18 pounds and a lot of inches! My BMI is 2 points away from being “normal”. That means I still need to lose about 11 pounds but honestly, I doubt anyone would ever call MOI normal!
This is what I looked like this summer at my heaviest EVER….
And this is me a few weeks in – I had lost about 5 or 6 pounds by this time but I hadn’t given up my wine and the weekend noshing killed all of my crazy exercise. The truth is, I was still fat headed and EXERCISE was the saving grace for me on this whole journey:
And this is me right before the holidays – down about 10 pounds and on a roll…. until the holiday week fun threw me off track 😉
This is me in February: Down about 12 pounds (I know it’s been a long SLOW processes!)
And this is me today – down 18 pounds and along with the intense workouts at UFC (the only thing that has kept me from completely falling off the health wagon all along) I have been eating clean and cut out all alcohol for almost three weeks. For the first time in several years I feel totally in control of everything. My life, my eating, my emotions, my fat headedness …. I feel very strong today.
.
Four months of going back and forth between getting real and trying to crawl back into my hole was exhausting. At the end of the day it isn’t all about the food and since I’ve always been an exercise nut no matter how fat I’ve been, it isn’t the exercise. It is my fat head… the junk in my head. It’s still there but I plan to keep kicking the shit out of it because it pisses me off and isn’t who I want to be.
I truly understand and appreciate the power my mental health has over my well-being and my body and it feels like I’ve come out from under a cloud. I don’t want to go back there – it’s dark and lonely and depressing. It’s not me.
I am so much more than that.
What’s the big deal with Superbowl commercials?
We don’t watch much live tv in our house. Mostly because of the commercials. I’m probably the only person on earth who goes to the bathroom and hangs out around the food rather than watch the Superbowl commercials. Don’t laugh but I do watch the half-time show. Crazy, right?
I love football, though. Football is the only reason we have cable tv at our house. We went years without cable tv until we moved to CA and we couldn’t get a local tv station signal. No signal, no football. So now we have FiOs. For the football. True Story.
I always find myself disappointed by the Superbowl ads. I think they all fall flat for me because of all the hype and anticipation. I’m expecting something really awesome and then it turns out that I’m just watching a stupid commercial. Maybe I’m just lame but I can’t remember watching an ad I felt made it worth missing out on grabbing a fresh beer and another round at the junk food table. Maybe I’d be thinner if I watched more commercials?
So, on Superbowl Sunday when people get all excited about the commercials I get all excited about beer and football and food. I figure if a commercial is really all that funny I’ll catch it in my Facebook stream or when it’s re-tweeted on Twitter 150,000 times. Besides, most of the ads have already been released on YouTube anyway. What’s Trending and the Huff have already released compilations of the best 2013 Superbowl Commercials. Why wait until Sunday? The buzz is on…
Does this work? Can you randomly Skype women and find the true love of your life with a letter like this? I guess the law of averages could work in your favor if you contacted a large number of women. Maybe. I’ve narrated my response to this lovely gentleman in red. I’m tempted to be flattered….
How are you doing? (I’m awesome )I know that you don’t know me but I’d like to tell you a little about myself (oh, please do – I’m on the edge of my seat); My name is XXXX, single, never married before and have 1 kid at the moment. (OH, and clearly you have super sperm, very manly!) His name is XXXXX, 11 months old and he is my life. I’m 6ft 3inches tall. I am Civil Engineer and I will be very happy to know you, have a good relationship and to start a new life with you. (I thought you already had a life. You said XXX is your life. Which life do you want?)
I love to laugh and I am an easy going person, but can be intensely serious if the situation presents itself (thank God – ’cause I’m not very good at being serious. EVER.). I am very romantic, passionate and a very positive person, I think I am kind in heart and tender of soul. (Can’t imagine why you are single…)
My desire is to meet a sensitive, caring loving woman who wants a friend……… (Aw, I bet you say that to all your baby mamas) My interpretation of a friend is one to whom you can pour out all the contents of your heart, chaff and grain together (ooh sounds dirty), knowing that the gentleness of hands will take it all, keep that which is worth keeping and, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.. (blow it all away honey) I will thank you in advance for allowing me to be that kind of friend to you. (*barf*)
I would want someone that is kind, caring, loving, enjoys life, one that knows there is stress in life..but doesn’t let it run her life (strike one for me), one that isn’t afraid to show and express her feelings (does throwing a tantrum count?). Someone who wants a meaningful, serious, long-term relationship.. not just a few dates.. Are you that special woman? (I’ve been married for 16 years so that probably describes me pretty well.)
I hope you will agree completely that honesty and communication are very important (completely). Hope to read from you soon and always keep that lovely smile on your face (*blush/barf*). Here is my email if you would like to write me; XXXX@gmail.com
Cheers!
Love from
XXXX
About three weeks ago I got a good kick in the pants that made me face the reality of the toll my chaotic life has taken on my physical well-being. I wrote a post titled “I am Obese” . I’m pretty sure that there were people who assumed that I was just trying to be dramatic in my use of the word ‘obese” but for me it was about facing the facts and getting real. My BMI falls well into the obese category right now.
I have taken steps to lower my body fat and reclaim my health and my self-esteem (I hate that word). I started keeping track of calories in and calories burned, stopped drinking alcohol, and I’ve hit the gym as hard as I possibly can. I joined the UFC Gym in Torrance and enlisted the help of a trainer who has become my best and worst friend. I could write a hundred blog posts about how hard and humiliating some of these workouts have been. Every workout in the beginning seemed to magnify how terribly far my fitness level has fallen in the past year and a half. I tried to give up in the middle of my very first DUT class at UFC but the people in the class would not let me, I was part of the team and the old fat chick holding them back wasn’t going to be left behind. I cried that day out of humiliation (again, for letting myself get to this place) but the fattest tears came from an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards the 4 burly men and 1 woman who did not let me give up on myself.
The eating thing is pretty simple because “calories in” is a very measurable thing. Where it gets hard is fighting myself when I want to not record something I’m eating or drinking. It’s very easy to fool ourselves if we want to and trust me I want to! I’m keeping myself honest and in the process I’m purposely choosing not to see my daily caloric intake go into the red. (I’m using Loseit.com)
Good News
In the last three weeks I have lost a total of 8lbs on the scale. My skin is healthier, my outlook is more positive and I’ve begun working through some of the personal stuff that has been weighing me down.
Even although the light at the end of the tunnel feels like it is a million miles away, I plan to work my ass off, literally, and I will never allow myself to slip back into this hole!
I think I might be getting old. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like I’m 100 years old and could just stay in bed and sleep for the rest of the year. Alas, there are responsibilities that pull me from such a pleasant existence.
Every morning I unstrap my right foot from a fabulously sexy night boot and hobble to the bathroom. I’m crippled with Plantar Fasciitis that hurts like a mother “you-know-what” and to add insult to injury the mirror never reflects the person I think it will….
I’d love to be one of those women who blogs about how fabulous the “real me” is and write about how every wrinkle and extra pound I have is proof that I’ve spent time with my children, friends and family, but the reality is that I’m a vain and gracelessly aging woman. My wrinkles and extra pounds are not proof of what a fabulous mother I am or the experiences I’ve had. They are proof that I’m tired, that I don’t drink enough water, and that it has been more than 6 months since my dermatologist has “loved” me with the Botox yum you’d never know happened.
I am 40.
My brain can still wake up at 6am and run 8 miles, kick ass through a stadium workout and then go volunteer in the classroom with a big fat supermom smile on my face. The reality is that my body wakes up, wants coffee, drops the kids at school, and sits down to knock out some work before running to the gym to burn the calories it ate, and then skids into the classroom to volunteer, before running carpool all over Los Angeles. It cooks dinner, does the laundry, helps with homework, and…. and still, I feel pretty darn happy.
Old and tired, but happy. Does the “old” part go away?
I am NOT aging gracefully….
One of the worst things about gaining weight, for me anyway, is that you start feeling like crap in a multitude of ways.
Your clothes don’t fit and you start to think that wearing yoga pants all the time is a good idea. Then you start to just keep your hair in a ponytail everyday and ditch the daily lip gloss and mascara.
It’s a vicious cycle because even under the guise of being “comfortable” or “casual” or “sporty”, never making an effort to look cute makes you feel even less cute and then your mind starts pulling you into a cesspool of self deprecating thoughts and those thoughts just feed off one another.
Pretty soon you don’t allow anyone to take pictures of you if it includes any area below your shoulders or if you haven’t had ample time to “suck in and chin out”, and if someone actually does get a shot you make them promise not to put it on Facebook – you might actually stoop to bribing them to delete it… not that I’ve ever done that or threatened to divorce anyone. You also make sure that your Facebook settings are set so that nobody can tag you without your review, just in case. I mean, if you can’t see it on your timeline or in your photos it must not exist, right?
Why do we not want people to see what we look like? Well, because this isn’t us, we don’t look like that. The problem is that it is us. We don’t just disappear or get to press “pause” on life until we eventually get around to losing those extra pounds.
So, now that I’m about 4 days into facing the fact that I’m overweight, I figure it’s time to face the fact that just because a photo of my fat ass doesn’t appear anywhere it doesn’t mean that my ass isn’t bigger than it ever has been. Today I made a little effort and put something other than yoga pants on, applied a little powder, mascara and lip-gloss and decided to let my son take a picture of me in all my glory.
Know what? I don’t look that bad. I don’t love what I see but that is what I look like today. I look (and feel) better, lighter and happier than I have in a very long time. And that my friends is progress!
FESS UP! How are your tagging settings set on Facebook?