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~Happy Birthday Sam~

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Today our family recognizes the birthday of a dear friend.  A friend who passed on far to early.  We remember Sam “Sammi” Masoudi on what would have been his 13th birthday.  

In previous writings I have alluded to the difficulty our family, and my son in particular, has had with the loss of several friends this year.  It is the loss of Sam that haunts him the most.  This child, this sweet, sweet boy was four years older than my son.  He was a mentor, not just in Tae Kwan Do but in so many other ways.  I will never ever forget the kindness that Sammi showed my son.  The example he set.  The confidence he passed on to my child.
I remember the daily wave and his sweet happy smile as he passed our car in the carpool lane.  I will never ever forget the day he was with some of his friends and my Will stuck his head out the window saying “Hey Sam!”.  Sammi turned around with a big grin, and walked right up to the car window and said, “Hi William, see you later at Tae Kwan Do.”, he then turned back to his friends and headed down the path.  Will grew two inches in that moment and my self conscious and sensitive little boy sat back into his seat with the biggest smile, glowing with pride.  I am so grateful to Sam Masoudi for that day.  
William misses playing Army Navy Charge with Sammi.  He misses talking about Star Wars legos and Star Wars in general.  Sam and his sister’s deaths were the result of a random and unimaginable freak accident, a shock that completely rocked our world.  Will goes in and out and up and down – grief and confusion undefined.  He prefers to avoid talking about it until he explodes with anger and sadness.  I hold him and talk with him, not always sure I’m saying the right things because I am angry and sad too.
For so long I have thought that there are no words, everyone always says “there are no words”, but there are words.  Maybe not enough words, but little by little the stories and memories of a life stopped short become words.  These are the words I share with you today.  Sam was an amazing young man whose touch will forever be imprinted on my son.  
Please say a prayer for the family of Sam and Grace Massoudi.   

Beautyfix.com ~ Trying All The Hottest New Products

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If you are a regular reader, you know that I don’t do reviews very often.  The reason for this is that I as a reader I don’t enjoy very many reviews.  I don’t follow blogs for the reviews and giveaways that I never win and it makes me sad to see blogs that are overtaken by reviews and giveaways.  I do, however, believe that there is value in reviewing certain products and services and so from time to time you will see a review on my blog.  I accepted this review because it was AWESOME and this is something you will want to hear about.  So watch the video PEEPS!

Quotable Sunday ~ Hope

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I’m feeling stronger, healthier and generally more hopeful these past few days.  Hope is a very strong and powerful thing.  Hope, can it be an emotion?  Hope can be a feeling.  Hope can be rational and logical.  Whatever it is, I welcome it.



There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.
— Orison Marden.

Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.
— Unknown.

Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.
— Elie Wiesel.

We have to go into the despair and go beyond it, by working and doing for somebody else, by using it for something else.
— Elie Wiesel.

Let your hopes,not your hurts, shape your future
— Robert H. Schuller

How To Gain 14 Pounds In One Year – or – Discovering Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred – or – Death Sucks

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This will go down as “the post that started out as a blonde joke and turned into a revelation of metabolic (yes, metabolic – you’ll have to read on to understand) proportions”! 

Have you ever been listening to everyone around you go on and on about something and thought, “Yeah sure, whatever.” and then two months later when they are still going on and on thought, “Hmm maybe I should try this.” ?

Ok, so I’m sort of a fitness snob and when I kept reading bloggers going on and on about Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred, I poo-pooed it.  I am a fitness freak.  I work out almost every day.  I practice yoga three times a week.  Until this past year when I allowed grief to get into my diet, I was fairly focused on healthy eating.  How could a silly DVD really be “all that”?  Guess what?  I’m not poo-pooing it anymore.  It has been 3 days and I hurt.  Like “ouch” hurt.  Sore hurt.  I feel my body changing and I’m LOVIN’ it.
I should back up and give you a little background…..
I haven’t been able to get to the gym since my daughter finished school in mid-May.  If you’ll remember, I made the mistake (actually, eye-opening non-mistake) of turning to the Wii Fit a few weeks ago.  The animated freaky Fit Bitch announced with joy that it had not only been 229 days since I’d been to visit her, but she also told me how much I had gained.  Now, I know ya’ll think it is just a few pounds because I’m still sort of not fat.  The reality is that my BMI had gone up a LOT and for the first time in my life I had fallen into the “overweight” category.  I didn’t reveal this the other day because it was so shocking to me but, in that 229 days I had gained over 14 pounds.  That isn’t just an extra Oreo here and there, people.  
Random Tragedy.  Grief.  Another RANDOM tragedy.  Stress.  Grief.  All within a year, has CONSUMED me.
Each time I think I’m “admitting” how the trauma of the past year has affected me, I think I’m moving on and doing better.  Each post where I have poured my heart out seemed to be the turning point for me.  My loyal readers cheered for me, supported me and were relieved when I returned to making them laugh again.  I would get a week into “doing better” and then I couldn’t hold it together.  I didn’t care.  Drinking a bottle of wine while eating a Chipolte burrito and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s really did make me feel better.  What was the point of stopping?
This worked until I was unable to button my “fat pants”.  Then it worked until I couldn’t button the next size up.  And now I’m on to another new size…  you see where this is going?  I’m a train wreck and for the first time in my life, I can empathize and totally understand how people let themselves get fat.
I used to think “How do people let themselves get that fat?”.  I get it.  It would be very very easy for me to continue feeling like crap and consoling myself with copious amounts of food and numbing myself with wine.  I feel awful.  My face feels swollen.  My body is relatively toned from all of my working out but the fat rolls are starting to poke through!  
It is my need to exercise which has kept me band-aided together this year.  It is yoga that has kept me from the brink of an embarrassing emotional breakdown.  My body is strong and it is in a battle to hold my mind back from complete despair.  
Fourteen pounds in a year.  Not good.  Not good for my heart or any of my other organs.  If I continue on this path I will be obese within a year.  (Writing that statement just knocked the wind out of me.)
So what is different this time?  
It might not be different this time.
I can write and tell you that I have overcome and that Jillian Michaels is going to save my life with her 30 Day Shred, but the reality is that no one thing is going to turn me around.  Death sucks and I am changed forever.  I have to create a new reality with grief, how ever difficult that may be.
In three days of doing the “Shred”, I do actually feel in better control.  I consider myself well educated in the area of health and fitness but no amount of knowledge seems to have kept the french fries out of my mouth.  I think the high intensity of the “Shred” workouts has definitely changed things up from my normal exercise routine.   I haven’t been craving comfort food and I’ve been drinking a LOT more water.  I may be benefiting from an upswing in my metabolic rate and a higher level of endorphins.  This is my theory anyway.
So, my goal is to “Shred” for 30 days in addition to my thrice weekly yoga practice and regular running schedule (it is coming up on a big race season after all!).  People always talk about “the wake up call” or “hitting bottom”.  I’m not sure if this is what has happened to me but I am acknowledging that my life has been spinning out of control and that it isn’t good for me and ultimately, this effects my number one priority, my family. 
Here’s hoping that this is the seventh stage of grief, “Acceptance and Hope”, where I can stop sabotaging myself and find a way to move forward with this amazingly fortunate and beautiful life that I have.

Casual Fitness Friday ~ Shreddin’ it Up!

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Welcome to Casual Friday, a casual vlogging meme for vloggy folks from around the blogsphere! Vlog about anything that makes you feel Vloggy!! If you have a vlog entry or would like to record a vlog entry please be sure to PERMALINK your vlog post to Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post so that everyone can come check you out!

Link your vlog entries below and please be sure to comment on my vloggyness and link back to http://www.banteringblonde.com

Not So Wordless/Wordless Wednesday

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After reading a million times over about the people doing this workout, I figured I should try it out just in case I was missing out on something.  I now own this lovely DVD and can join the “cool” kids on the block.  Heck, if I can give up my treadmill runs for a few days in exchange for 20 minutes of whatever it is, I’m game.  Will keep ya’ll posted…

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