Parenting Is Tough Business

The hardest part of parenting for me is letting go. Letting my kids travel a path I know has an easier route is incredibly frustrating. I’ve been a parent for 11 years to one, 8 years to another, and 5 to the youngest. All three are their own unique brand of “Bryan” and I’ve learned that there is no one formula for loving each of them. Children are miraculous and frustrating every moment of their lives. Until I became a parent I didn’t know true love, I didn’t know true frustration, true anger, true admiration, true wonder, true shame-I didn’t know the true feeling of desperation and fear. Nothing prepares you to be a parent-to experience such deep and raw emotion.

Learning to let go is a daily challenge for me but it is a challenge that I have realized I must purposely practice each day. I find it difficult to observe the “helicopter parenting” that seems to pervade our culture and while I feel confident in many of the choices we’ve made for our kids, I still have to remind myself to stand back and allow them the freedom to make their own choices and to experience the consequences of those choices, good or bad.

One of the areas of greatest tension with our kidlets is their instrument practice. In our house, my husband and I have decided that music is an important part of our children’s overall education and they would each take lessons on an instrument of their choice. Those of you who know me well know that I studied violin from a young age and have both bachelor and master’s degrees in music. I no longer play or teach professionally but I feel very strongly that music and music education are an important part of the greater academic picture for our children. In fact, while we require they play an instrument, I secretly hope that none of them is seduced into the profession because it is an incredibly challenging life, one that was not ultimately for me. They fight practice, as most children do, but each time they perform or have a good lesson the pride and confidence in their smiles reassures me that this is important and will be with them for a lifetime.

In any case, here we are, over a week into summer break and the boys are actually quite independent in practicing their violins every morning, then checking in to show me what they worked on before heading off to enjoy freedom. Since pulling myself out of the daily practice sessions they have actually done very well on their own. Proof in my argument that children gain more self confidence and a sense of responsibility when they are actually handed the responsibility and held accountable for the things we ask them to do.

On the other hand, my 5 year old is still dependent on me to help her practice piano.  Oh, how painful it is for a parent to watch their child so agreeable and brilliant in front of their teacher, only to pull out the drama during practice sessions at home. She turns into a silly child that refuses to focus and doesn’t even seem to try. The tears and drama from this child could be award winning!

Three years ago they all loved the violin.

… I’ve gone through this phase with 3 kidlets now. Friends will tell me how jealous they are that I am able to practice and help my kids with their musical instruments but honestly, I think my kids would be happier if I didn’t know anything about what they were doing. From the time they started I search for the best teachers, the teachers that engage me as part of the process and enable me to help them practice at home…..my kids are able to practice more efficiently because they don’t pick up bad habits, and I know all of the best practice techniques to get ‘er done. They hate it though-they have all fought me and I know that it is common but as soon as my oldest was given direction from his teacher to practice on his own, without me,  he began to progress more quickly, take pride, and most importantly gain confidence. H (8 year-old) and I now have an agreement that I’ll only practice with him every other day and this has worked very well for us. Maybe Kat would do better to practice on her own some? She and I will have two weeks on our own this summer and I’m hoping that we can get into a routine without the distraction of our usual daily chaos…..

I’m sure every parent has an area of experience they think they might be able to influence, prepare, or protect their child from. The reality is that human nature forces us to operate from a place of experience and no matter how hard we try we cannot instill true experience in our children – we can do our best to share our experience but until they experience and organically grow through and get to where it is we want them to be, we will have to let them take their own path. That path is a little bit longer than the one we may feel they need to take and sitting back and sitting on my hands, smiling and watching this is the hardest part of parenting for me.

Do you have an area of experience that you feel benefits your kids? How do you work with them to share that experience?

Parenting Is Tough Business

The hardest part of parenting for me is letting go. Letting my kids travel a path I know has an easier route is incredibly frustrating. I’ve been a parent for 11 years to one, 8 years to another, and 5 to the youngest. All three are their own unique brand of “Bryan” and I’ve learned that there is no one formula for loving each of them. Children are miraculous and frustrating every moment of their lives. Until I became a parent I didn’t know true love, I didn’t know true frustration, true anger, true admiration, true wonder, true shame-I didn’t know the true feeling of desperation and fear. Nothing prepares you to be a parent-to experience such deep and raw emotion.

Learning to let go is a daily challenge for me but it is a challenge that I have realized I must purposely practice each day. I find it difficult to observe the “helicopter parenting” that seems to pervade our culture and while I feel confident in many of the choices we’ve made for our kids, I still have to remind myself to stand back and allow them the freedom to make their own choices and to experience the consequences of those choices, good or bad.

One of the areas of greatest tension with our kidlets is their instrument practice. In our house, my husband and I have decided that music is an important part of our children’s overall education and they would each take lessons on an instrument of their choice. Those of you who know me well know that I studied violin from a young age and have both bachelor and master’s degrees in music. I no longer play or teach professionally but I feel very strongly that music and music education are an important part of the greater academic picture for our children. In fact, while we require they play an instrument, I secretly hope that none of them is seduced into the profession because it is an incredibly challenging life, one that was not ultimately for me. They fight practice, as most children do, but each time they perform or have a good lesson the pride and confidence in their smiles reassures me that this is important and will be with them for a lifetime.

In any case, here we are, over a week into summer break and the boys are actually quite independent in practicing their violins every morning, then checking in to show me what they worked on before heading off to enjoy freedom. Since pulling myself out of the daily practice sessions they have actually done very well on their own. Proof in my argument that children gain more self confidence and a sense of responsibility when they are actually handed the responsibility and held accountable for the things we ask them to do.

On the other hand, my 5 year old is still dependent on me to help her practice piano.  Oh, how painful it is for a parent to watch their child so agreeable and brilliant in front of their teacher, only to pull out the drama during practice sessions at home. She turns into a silly child that refuses to focus and doesn’t even seem to try. The tears and drama from this child could be award winning!

Three years ago they all loved the violin.

… I’ve gone through this phase with 3 kidlets now. Friends will tell me how jealous they are that I am able to practice and help my kids with their musical instruments but honestly, I think my kids would be happier if I didn’t know anything about what they were doing. From the time they started I search for the best teachers, the teachers that engage me as part of the process and enable me to help them practice at home…..my kids are able to practice more efficiently because they don’t pick up bad habits, and I know all of the best practice techniques to get ‘er done. They hate it though-they have all fought me and I know that it is common but as soon as my oldest was given direction from his teacher to practice on his own, without me,  he began to progress more quickly, take pride, and most importantly gain confidence. H (8 year-old) and I now have an agreement that I’ll only practice with him every other day and this has worked very well for us. Maybe Kat would do better to practice on her own some? She and I will have two weeks on our own this summer and I’m hoping that we can get into a routine without the distraction of our usual daily chaos…..

I’m sure every parent has an area of experience they think they might be able to influence, prepare, or protect their child from. The reality is that human nature forces us to operate from a place of experience and no matter how hard we try we cannot instill true experience in our children – we can do our best to share our experience but until they experience and organically grow through and get to where it is we want them to be, we will have to let them take their own path. That path is a little bit longer than the one we may feel they need to take and sitting back and sitting on my hands, smiling and watching this is the hardest part of parenting for me.

Do you have an area of experience that you feel benefits your kids? How do you work with them to share that experience?

Hypnosis by Cartoon

I’m sitting here in Steamboat Springs, CO looking out the window of our condo watching the snow and listening to my kids watch television. We don’t have cable at home (by choice, read about it here) so they think they are in Disney World at this very moment. My head is ringing with the annoying voices of The Cartoon Channel and I’m thinking that the world would be a better place if kids didn’t have this crap broadcast to them. Let’s teach our kids to be rude and idiotic with nasally high pitched voices. I have no idea what exactly this particular program is but one of the characters is bringing a “repto-slicer” to school for “homeless pet day”.

Impressive.

I’m sure I’ll pay for the indulgence later and as I watch them all gaping at the TV, hypnotized by lunacy, all I can think of is that my kids would be reading books, playing dominoes, or coloring right now if the “Gawk Box” (my mother’s term, by the way) hadn’t enticed me with the promise of a few quiet moments to shower and wash my hair.

Frankly, I’d trade a quiet shower any day for the knowledge that my kids weren’t watching this high pitched collection of drivel.

Donovan Duggins Mt. Vesouvious Burger Wins Big in Red Robin Cook-Off

Fresh Ingredients + Child’s Creativity and Imagination = Ten Awesome Burgers!

This morning, I was honored to serve as a judge for the 5th Annual Red Robin Kids’ Cook-Off. The panel of judges included actress Anna Sophia Robb (17-year-old star of upcoming film “Soul Surfer” with Dennis Quaid and Helen Hunt), Tom Giesen (executive producer of the Food Network’s Unwrapped)  my new BFF the fabulously effervescent Nancy McBride (National Safety Director for National Center for Missing and Exploited Children), Eric Houseman, President and COO, Red Robin Gourmet Burgers, and fun Frances Hill (THANK YOU for the tips on what water does to burger buns in your belly).

The finalists were chosen from thousands of entries around the country. Each contestant “built” and then presented their gourmet creations for judging. This was hard! We tasted every burger and had to judge on things like creativity, presentation, taste…. and they were all quite amazing!

The winning Burgermeister was the charming 12-year-old Donovan Duggins from Wichita, Kansas. His “Mt. Vesuvius Burger” will be sold in all U.S. Red Robin® restaurants in summer 2011. Donovan’s “Lava Sauce” (made from sweet BBQ sauce, hot sauce, garlic powder and paprika) was the perfect combination of “sweet, with a kick”. The sauce,crumbled blue cheese, bacon, and provolone cheese, topped a beef patty and was served on a sesame seed bun. This burger was tasty and creative, with a name (chosen because Donovan loves geography… hello, little lesson in a burger!) that will likely have had the marketing team jumping out of their seats ready to get the “Lava” flowing tomorrow. Oh, what I would do to be part of that!

Next summer, when you order the “Mt. Vesuvius Burger” at all Red Robin restaurants, 50 cents of your purchase will support the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s (NCMEC) child safety efforts. To date Red Robin has raised $400,000 in partnership with NCMEC , and 50% of that figure is attributed specifically to the the annual kid’s cook-off. I love that this competition gave kids an opportunity to be creative, to hone their presentations kills, and benefits an amazing organization at the same time.

The top 10 kid finalists were:

• Zack Caison, Amarillo, TX: “Jalapeno Blue Ranch Bacon Burger”
• Gavin Belliveau, Kingston, MA: “The Meatball Burger”
• Malia Grant, Fresno, CA: “Tropical Hawaiian Turkey Burger”
• Isabel Honzay, Chandler, AZ: “Southwest Cobb Burger”
• Megan Casteel, Mesa, AZ: “Gorgonzola Goodness Burger”
• Emily Whitaker, Tualatin, OR: “The Bacon Dill Delight Burger”
• Angela Feltz, Portland, OR: “The Bangin’ Spicy Chicken Artichoke Burger”
• Dominic Staiti, Citrus Heights, CA: “Jalapeno Cornbread Chili Burger”
• Jake Tucker, Chesterfield, MO: “Campfire Burger”
• Donovan Duggins, Wichita, KS: “The Mt. Vesuvius Burger”

I was really impressed by Red Robin’s embrace of social media in this event. I love that they engaged blogger/social media correspondents in each of the finalists’ cities and streamed a live webcast of the entire competition. The tweets, dm’s, messages, questions and comments that came my way this morning were fun and a very cool example of how powerful word of mouth is.

Are you a burger lover? What are your favorite ingredients?

Lessons from Daddy Blonde

My husband is an amazing man. I have proof.  For almost 15 years (holy crap, that is a freaking long time) he has not only tolerated me but loved me unconditionally in a way that I never imagined possible. Even more incredible is the fact that he had known me for 4 or 5 years before that and still married me.

He’s that guy everybody loves. He’s not afraid to express feelings and oozes passion when he talks about the things he loves, chicks did that. He’s that guy you want to make babies with. You choose him because he is going to be the Dad everyone wishes they had.

We have three little people. All of them will tell you that Dad is the fun one. I may be the not so fun one, but I am also the only reason they have all learned the virtue face washing.

Parenting is a journey that will take you from the highest peaks of bliss to the heart wrenching pits of hell. You never know if the decisions you make, or the things you say will some day end up as a case study in the form of a 2015 Psychiatric Analysis of  Top 10 Ways to Jack Up Your Kid.

The other night I was sitting on the bottom bunk with my 10 year old. We were lying with our feet up, looking at the underside of the top bunk. This is our “having a deep conversation” position.

We were talking about learning from our mistakes. We categorized the types of mistakes people make and I must have said something to the effect of, “There are some mistakes that have dangerous or life changing consequences.”

Suddenly, my child sat up and looked at me with great conviction and a fire in his eye, and said, “Dad says the two biggest mistakes are 1. doing drugs and 2. getting a girl pregnant. Those are two mistakes you really don’t want to have to learn from, right mom?”

Well then!

I suppose our job is done here…..

Perfect Moment ~ Take Me Out to the Colorado Rockies

My Perfect Moment this week is wordless…..

Perfect Moment ~ Rockies Game from BanteringBlonde on Vimeo.

Be sure to visit Lori to read about more…

Success at Home and Work on a Platter ~ Blonde Style

I’m successful.  Am I successful? What is success?

I have no idea how women work and take care of a family at the same time. I’ve been failing miserably at it for a few years now. I took the summer off and spent every single minute of every day with my kidlets. I loved every stinkin’ minute of it.

This summer I was present. I was 100% in tune with who my kids are and important life changing conversations took place.  Conversations about sex, drugs, violence, bullying, war, poverty… you name it, we covered it. My kids were engaged. I was present.

Balance

Balance, it’s a ridiculous word… nothing is every balanced forever, now is it? Think about it. Things are in balance, and it isn’t a permanent state. Nothing is, so we women folk should stop being so hard on ourselves. Get over it. Balance is a verb, it’s constant motion … accept it. Word.

My family deserves better

I’m not going to let the “shiny” cheat my kids of me. I’m pretty darn fantastic, so really, it’s a crime for me to be a workaholic! I love what I do and I’ll keep doin’ it, but there’ll be less of my fabulosity to go around. If yer lucky enough to be offered a slice of me, treat me well, ya hear?

Organize. Balance. Order. Prioritize. If I have these with work but not at home, well – that isn’t exactly success is it?

My stats may suck, my bank account is empty, my workload is light – but my family has actually eaten a healthy home cooked meal 4 nights in a row. Oh, and the christmas wrapping paper tub is no longer sitting in the middle of my closet…. amazing.

I shall succeed.

What Happened to Starting School after Labor Day?

School starts too early nowadays. As kids we could rely on easing into the fall gradually.  We’d be weaned from the carefree summer nights by earlier sunsets until Labor Day arrived, and by then it just seemed right. There was something convincing about the Labor Day benchmark in time, it just made sense.

My kids started school last Monday, August 23rd. They launched right into the year no problem, so why am I still reeling?

I miss making dinner at 7pm-ish and riding bikes ’til dark. I miss our adventures. I miss my babies

Who Buys Jeans In August? Back to School Shopping Reality Check

article first published as Back to School Shopping Reality Check on Technorati

The news is all over the board on what is happening with shoppers during this Back to School sales season. Sales tax free weekends, price slashing, crazy deals…

The heat has people shopping/the heat makes people not want to buy school clothing/shoppers are waiting for deeper discounts/schools are starting earlier so sales are picking up earlier this year…

I’ll tell you what the deal is. It’s hot out. It’s August and I just spent several weeks at the beach where the mosquitoes tattooed every inch of my body and the heat index made sure to drip salty sweat into each and every bite. While I’m stocking up on After-Bite and searching for DDT, the aisles are stocked with reminders that my tow-headed, tanned beach-babies will soon be back to school. I’ll be driving carpool, making lunches, and juggling work deadlines with volunteering for a million different committees at two different schools. No time to enjoy a memory or two of an amazing summer with my kids, I have to make sure they have NEW stuff. Forget the OLD stuff, it’s time to buy, buy, buy!

It’s all a bit stressful. So, excuse me if the thought of wearing long sleeves or jeans makes me want to vomit.

Crayons, markers, pencils, backpacks… there is a reason all of these things are selling better than your 40% off Abercrombie & Fitch plumber’s crack jeans. It’s a million degrees out, people!

A little therapy and a reality check for retailers will fix all of the forecasting issues. Quit shoving Halloween down my throat in July. You can’t blame the economy that my kids won’t be wearing long pants until October.

The good news for me is that by the time October rolls around retailers will have slashed prices three times over to make room for the ugly Christmas sweaters.

Read more: http://technorati.com/lifestyle/family/article/back-to-school-shopping-reality-check/#ixzz0xq0dGhH7