Weiner. Weiner. Weiner.

I don’t know about you but I’m not shocked by anything anyone does anymore. I have to hope there are some faithful men out there (and the one snoring next to me better be included), but even the faithful ones are horny. All men are horny and juvenile when it comes to sex and boobies and Weiners. Not all of them are stupid enough to take a picture of their snausage, tweet it to the world, and then lie about it but let’s be real here, it could have happened to anyone.

Right?

How many times have you DM’d something to your TBFF (Twitter BFF), only to realize that, in fact, the announcement of your most recent yeast infection somehow slipped out to all of your 5,108 followers!! Ah, delete, delete, delete. Uh, ya…. not quite the same thing as taking a picture and trust me, no gal I know would ever take a picture of her yeast infection, so you’re safe.

Friends. Men. Women (women get horny too, I’m sure). There are no “take backs” with Twitter. In fact, there are no “take backs” with pretty much any digital footprint-or Weiner. So, take your horny hormones and lock yourself in a private bug/video-free room ’cause I’m tired of Nancy Pelosi launching ethics investigations on yer asses.  If you’d all just keep your horny hormones private maybe the yokels in Washington might actually get a chance to do something of value.

Can we all just agree that there are no ethics, that horny politicians are stupid, and that illicit affairs, phone sex or whatever else that isn’t illegal or harmful to another human being, are all just a perk of the slimy job. Perks for Pervs. Hmm, that bill just might pass.

Weiner. Weiner. Weiner.

I don’t know about you but I’m not shocked by anything anyone does anymore. I have to hope there are some faithful men out there (and the one snoring next to me better be included), but even the faithful ones are horny. All men are horny and juvenile when it comes to sex and boobies and Weiners. Not all of them are stupid enough to take a picture of their snausage, tweet it to the world, and then lie about it but let’s be real here, it could have happened to anyone.

Right?

How many times have you DM’d something to your TBFF (Twitter BFF), only to realize that, in fact, the announcement of your most recent yeast infection somehow slipped out to all of your 5,108 followers!! Ah, delete, delete, delete. Uh, ya…. not quite the same thing as taking a picture and trust me, no gal I know would ever take a picture of her yeast infection, so you’re safe.

Friends. Men. Women (women get horny too, I’m sure). There are no “take backs” with Twitter. In fact, there are no “take backs” with pretty much any digital footprint-or Weiner. So, take your horny hormones and lock yourself in a private bug/video-free room ’cause I’m tired of Nancy Pelosi launching ethics investigations on yer asses.  If you’d all just keep your horny hormones private maybe the yokels in Washington might actually get a chance to do something of value.

Can we all just agree that there are no ethics, that horny politicians are stupid, and that illicit affairs, phone sex or whatever else that isn’t illegal or harmful to another human being, are all just a perk of the slimy job. Perks for Pervs. Hmm, that bill just might pass.

Chris Brogan thinks moms in social media are like “Crabs In A Bucket” trying to pull all the other crabs down to get to the top. This is what he told us last week at the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration. His point was that women in social media are powerful, that the moms have it going on, but we tend to tear one another down. He preached lifting others up; it was very Zig Zigler-ish. Zig Zigler, is one of the original great quotable sales and motivational speakers. One of my favorite quotes, and the one I preach to my own children, is, “You can have everything you want in life if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” I’ve seen this in action more times than I can count, and I believe this is what Chris Brogan was talking about.

I’ve been thinking about the crab analogy a lot because I don’t think there are any crabs left in my bucket. The crabs that I’ve come across have all drowned themselves or built sandcastles to house their baby lemming crabs a long time ago. I’m no crab; I like to think I’m more like a Nemo. I like to rally the fish to swim down and bust the net wide open and set everyone free. It’s a very big ocean out there and there’s plenty of reef to go around. (What? I just spent a week at Disney, if you aren’t following along you’ll have to rent the movie. It rocks but if you are a Dad prepare to shed a few tears.)

Here’s the way I see it. Most of the women online are extremely supportive and giving to others, some are not. The reason women in social media, who happen to be mothers, get lumped in with the crab crowd is that anyone with a computer can start up a blog and blogging has become a great way to document motherhood and network with other moms. Let’s face it, blogging, Twitter, Facebook, all of these social media platforms put us in touch with people who share similar realities. Where the landscape becomes blurry is when moms begin to monetize their blogs or seek professional work within social media. Suddenly, there are moms operating as “professionals”, they are no longer just bloggers but the Mommy Blogger label follows them everywhere, no matter what. I was once introduced to the board members of a start-up company as a Mommy Blogger when I had been invited as a paid consultant to discuss the integration of social media with their current marketing strategy. Really! True story, friends.

Some of us have professional experience, some don’t but social media is new, and to many companies it is a mystery. This has allowed many women great opportunities to transition from staying home with their children for many years (ten in my case) to re-entering the workforce in higher level positions than generations past. This is a great place to be and so many women with and without prior experience in the professional world are building amazing businesses and joining great companies. Still, the ugly rotting seafood stench of the crabs among us lingers and taints our reputations.

How do we differentiate ourselves from the crabs?

I don’t really care if you call me a Mommy Blogger, it happens all the time and I barely flinch anymore because for some reason people who use it think it’s an endearing term, but when I walk into a room and present a revenue model that cuts my client’s expenses in half and increases profits by more than 100%, they don’t ask me to wipe their boogers and they certainly don’t call me MOMMY. So, a few rotten crabs are stinkin’ up the pot. I may get snarky and opinionated on this blog but I could care less who is getting what and doing what to whomever. I DON’T HAVE TIME. I started out blogging for fun and it opened up a whole world for me. I’m frustrated that because I’m a mom I’m considered a crab but I’ve got enough work to keep me busy for now so I have to hope that eventually the stench will clear.

What do you think? Are there crabs in your bucket? Are you a crab or have you been a crab? How do we get people to look at us as business women and not just another crab?

Oh, calm down people! I don’t really think Chris Brogan is full of crap. He does talk CRAP, though. Actually, he talks common sense and his CRAP is just another fun and catchy way to spread his message. Between you and me, I’m grateful for Chris Brogan’s CRAP because ever since my boys decided to share the “F” word with our 5 year-old daughter, who then decided to show off her new found spelling skills by writing that lovely word plus y-o-u in permanent black marker on the brick outside our house, oh, and the KITCHEN TABLE, I’ve had to be extremely careful about the potty talk. It was getting really sanitary and boring in here so it’s nice being able to bring some CRAP to the table. You’ve likely read this CRAP a million times already but if not, here’s the CRAP Chris Brogan dished at last week’s Disney Social Media Moms Celebration:

C - Connecting: Always be connecting, online and in person. Bring others together and become known as a connector. I think this is good advice because then you start getting people coming to you for all the fun stuff. Well, it’s not good when the person you are most often confused for is a complete moron. So connect but be smart about it – oh, sorry that was my advice not Chris’s. He’s pretty moron free.

R - Referrals: Ask for and offer referrals. Chris recommended the book Referral Engine by John Jantz. (If I were Chris Brogan I’d totally insert the Amazon widget and when you bought the book I’d make $0.05 but I’m lazy, maybe I’ll insert Chris’s Amazon widget-that’d be fun.)

A - Attention or Awareness – Pay attention and be aware. Always be looking for opportunities (I like to do this and make note of things to pass along to others-goes back to being the connector.)

P – Presence – Be present. Be everywhere.

I haven’t been blogging much lately so maybe it’s time I step into the CRAP and banter a wee bit….

I like Chris Brogan, he’s sort of humble in a quiet not so humble way. How humble can you be when you’re a New York Times best-selling author and considered an expert by all of the self-proclaimed social media experts? The thing I really like about Chris is that he doesn’t have a canned speech, or if he does he’s smart enough to switch it up and swish it around and tailor it to the audience he’s speaking to. There are a few other heavy hitters out there that I’ve heard three or four times in different industry settings and each time they’ve given pretty much the same talk, with similar Power Point presentations and the worst part is that they use the same jokes. Well, nobody’s asking me to speak so I should probably just shut my trap, right?

Ok, here’s where I squirm. Chris told us not to agonize over a single blog post, that “Good enough, is good enough”. I like this. It’s permission to just spit it out and move on. Content is King. There’s only one problem with this… my DNA doesn’t work that way. I need a Xanax just thinking about such a thing. I think it’s perfectly feasible to be proud of a best-selling book that has a typo in it, but I’d be pissed at the editor (because as an editor I’d never have let that slip by) and I’d make sure every book printed from then on was corrected. This is my neurosis. I can’t read the newspaper without making editorial corrections. I’m plagued by grammatical concern. What if I vomit out this great idea and press “publish”, and there’s a typo or I change my mind? I’m so sure that Chris’s advice is the secret to my being able to keep up with this blog while still working like a madwoman, but right now I write a post and press “save draft”-and then it sits there until I have time to look at it again, but by then my fabulous opinion on the current topic is no longer current, in fact it’s totally last week. And this, my friends, is why I will never have a New York Times best-selling book. Literary constipation.

What else? Ah, the crabs in the bucket thing. Chris says we moms rock it in social media but that we tend to tear each other down like crabs in a bucket trying to get to the top. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Yes, the mom blogging community has crabs, most communities get crabs from time to time. The thing is, I miss half of it because I’m too busy doing my thing and working my ass off. It pisses me off that I’m lumped into this bucket o’ crabs. So guess what? After I publish this post I’m going spit out another blog post about crabs and I might even press “publish” before giving it a second read. So there it is. (My teeth hurt because I’m sure the run on sentence I carelessly tossed off a few paragraphs ago isn’t as funny as I thought it was…) Thanks to Chris Brogan for unleashing this newly reckless and wild blonde blogger….

**While, I paid for my family’s travel and to attend the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration, I received deeply discounted rates on hotel, park tickets, events, meals, and other items. I was not asked to write about the events and all opinions are my own based on my experiences.

Social media has changed the face of motherhood for many women. Women from different parts of the country and world, different professional and educational backgrounds are able to connect and network via blogs, Twitter, Facebook, and a plethora of new community building platforms that emerge monthly. It’s been called the “Wild Wild West” of times, there have been cat fights and blunders but a significant number of both inexperienced and professionally experienced women, like myself, have been able to emerge from staying at home with their children for several years (10 in my case) and build businesses in marketing, pr, communications and many directly on their blogs and online communities. I would never have been able to re-enter the workforce at the same level with the same recognition even 5 years ago. Like the old west though, companies and women are still working through how we will all operate in this space. Between the daily changes in the technology we use and the changes in the way we best work together, there is always a rumbling of dissent somewhere in the “Mom Sphere”. Most recently the Disney Social Media Moms conference has sparked some very unbecoming chatter in different corners of the Momscape.

First, let me disclose that I have now been a Disney Social Media Mom both years that the conference has existed. Second, I’ve been fortunate enough to be involved with other Disney sponsored events. From my first Disney encounter as a blogger it was crystal clear that they absolutely understood the social media space and that they believed in me.  Yes, I carry their message, but I’m not just a quick tweet, they want me to hang around for the long haul and there’s nothing sexier than showing a gal like me that you like me for my brains. There is no doubt about it, participating at any level in a Disney sponsored event is always a first class experience. So, yes, it may seem easier for me to say that Disney rocks.

I have extreme gratitude towards Disney for including my family in this event. There are two major points I think every Mommy Blogger/Mom Who Blogs/Woman in Social Media with Children ought to make note of with this particular conference.. One, my kids suddenly understand that Mom is not just the person who takes care of them, loves them, cooks and cleans for them, but she is someone that Disney recognizes as being an important factor in spreading their message. Few of us have ever experience a conference with the same high caliber of speakers Disney engages. Yes, I am important to Disney and that speaks volumes to the munchkins in my life. I’m a hero! The second piece, and this is likely where most of the ire and jealousy of others comes in to play, is that without the affordability of this trip my kids definitely would not be able to experience all of the Disney parks, the resort stay, the characters, planned fun, and the amazing SWAG. Yes the SWAG. It’s nice swag, you can search my tweets and you’ll likely find very little mention of the swag because it’s not why we come. It’s part of the experience and Disney is generous and the families that have been on the receiving end are enchanted and will carry the Disney magic with them, they’ll talk about it and influence others. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. This is business.

Here’s the thing. Free speech allows you to say whatever you want about this conference and those who attended but it is laughable to think that anyone might dictate how Disney should run their business. Their brand, their business, their choice. Like any of us they are navigating this new space and are likely learning great lessons along the way. If you’d like to give advice to Disney or any of the organizers I’m sure they are open to hearing it but calling them out on Twitter or Technorati trying to incite a backlash of sorts is incredibly lame. If you’ve ever experienced the absolute undeniable enthusiasm of a “cast member” at Disney you should know that you can’t rain on their parade-it just isn’t in their DNA. From the man who was sweeping the walk that stopped to talk to my daughter about her princess crown, to the server in the cafe who took my son’s order for pancakes to the kitchen-even after the grille had switched to lunch, to the woman passing me in the hallway as I was entering my room one night who said “Welcome Home”, they are all living their mission statement and there is nothing that happens without great though and orchestration. They are in the Experience Business, after all. Chances are, notes were taken on how to improve this event in the future, but thinking that you can incite controversy with a few tweets and a post does nothing to add value in our community of social media moms. Pointing out the negative aspects of this event does nothing to lift up the greater community of women in social media. You are entitled to you opinion but by dissing the very women who are out here working to prove that moms are worthy of this type of professional investment, the end result simply exposes the inexperienced and unprofessional women there are in our midst. This type of display is the Achilles Heel of social media Momdom and it sets us all back.

I geek out at Disney, it’s a study in marketing, branding, pr, and customer services that almost any person or company could learn from. Imagine if everyone in the world could let the spirit of Disney “cast members” into their lives. This is a world where people love what they do, they smile and say hello to everyone, they have amazing pride in their property and it shows in the maintenance and care for every detail. You cannot fake genuine enthusiasm like this. When people believe and trust the best in others it brings out the best in themselves and we all benefit.

That’s about all I have to say about this.

Oh, wait!!

The blue drinks? Delicious!

****While, I paid for my family’s travel and to attend the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration, I received deeply discounted rates on hotel, park tickets, events, meals, and other items. I was not asked to write about the events and all opinions are my own based on my experiences.

Stab me in the eye now, please. I usually tend to lay low when the crazy comes to town but tonight I find myself sitting here at 2:12 am, restless and frustrated as hell that there is nobody to skype, tweet, email or call and say, “I told you, didn’t I say something like this would happen?”

I’m talking about the  #toyotafail fiasco that went down earlier today. The illustrious Shelly Kramer sums up the disastrous affair that began as the brainchild of a possibly well-meaning yet obviously inexperienced and ambitiously out of control blogger at Mommynetworks.org.

A Perfect Storm

The social media sphere is constantly evolving and while the “Mommy Blogger” phenomenon has changed the lives of many women there’s no degree, no qualification or level of experience required to start writing and working with PR in this space. Imagine the perfect storm that brews when you unleash an army of inexperienced and underpaid PR blogger outreach hacks who desperately email every blogger on earth three times a week with canned pitches that begin, “Dear Mommy Blogger”. These methods are devaluing all brand messages and don’t promote an understanding of what the word “brand” means.

To be fair, there are many brands that are doing a great job of building relationships with bloggers, partnering and coordinating on quality campaigns. Companies like Toyota spend millions of dollars protecting their brand from misrepresentation but perhaps they should start to look at banding together with other major brands and educating the hacks that put them at risk. It seems unfathomable that someone would even think of doing what mommynetworks.org did, but she did it and I feel bad for her because the ramifications are likely to extend beyond humiliation.

THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL

Is there a Bat-Phone with a main line to the PA system? Empowering people to share your message is not the same thing as tossing your brand value into a can of spam-and you’d better start educating the folks that represent your brand or clients ’cause they’re making a mess of things.